What if loop

Most days I am in a what if loop. Not in the coding sense! It’s more like I decide to do something for the day and my mind goes “what if something goes like this!” and a whole scene is played in my head.

The most unexpected and disturbing thought processes occurred while I was brushing my teeth the other day. I was supposed to drop a friend somewhere and  I was getting ready. Suddenly …

I am on the road with my friend. I am driving at the ultimate 140 kmph and moving from lane to lane and making it through to the finish line. Suddenly the car crashes and he dies. I was shocked. What would someone else feel in my position I thought. Or what was I supposed to feel? I guess I should be feeling sad. Suddenly the sadness hit me hard. I think about going to his parents and telling them that I have shattered their dreams by murdering their son. I can see his mom crying and hating me.

Suddenly I hear my wife knocking on the door saying I might get late to meet my friend and I realized just 5 minutes had passed.

What the hell! I stand there stunned for two more minutes. For one second I think, should I not drive today or should I be fearless and make this happen.

There are these “what if” scenarios happening constantly in your life. It’s more of a negative trip 99% of times. Why do we have to go through it? Is it supposed to make us feel grateful for what could have happened or is it a sign to be more careful throughout the day? Is my body telling me that I am supposed to be in survival mode?

The number of times I go into the most insane trips while doing the most recurring daily chores is fascinating to me. I have tried to figure out why this happens. Or rather I am still trying.

Am I the only one feeling this or is this something all of us do feel at one point of the day or another? I really don’t know. I guess I will figure it out with time.



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